What and where is Korea?

Me with my homies. Much respect! While I am typing this I took my tall-can beer outside and poored some out on the street to respect my dead brothers.

This buddhist woman was giving me shit for taking pictures of the bell (see below). Man if she saw me putting my arms around these statues she would have FREAKED. But I would have said "Yo grrl! You're Buddhist! Ya gots to be chillin!"

That's what's so great about arguing with Buddhists. As soon as they get all frustrated you say "I think you need to go chill and meditate. Buddhists shouldn't be getting all argry like that." Boom I won the argument right then and there.

Is that guy homeless sleeping there under that bridge?

No! He is tired. He just wanted to take a nap under a bridge. Perfectly normal thing to do in Korea. Find some dirty ground under an industrial bridge next to a polluted river. Great place to relax.

There was this old man watching me take the picture. He was wondering why I found that interesting enough to photograph. What was so fascinating? Sleeping under dirty bridges is not an exciting photograph at all.

Think about that whenever you see tourists taking lots of pictures in your home country. It may be normal to you but not to them!

This one is TOO easy. But I'll comment on it anyway:

Okay so here's the deal, I went into the store and asked "Hey why is your store called Hunt Kids!? Do you really hunt kids because that sounds great! I hate kids."
And the owner said in fluent English, "Well sir, all these clothes are from children we hunted and murdered. That's why all the prices are so high, the clothing is the best trophy when hunting children."

and there you have it. That's the absolute truth of the matter.

Imagine your school's backpacks all the same and with flags of Switzerland or China. How bizarre would that be? Then on top of that imagine your school teachers wearing shirts that say in foreign languages that you can read, "Feel Like SHIT." You feel like shit? Ugh I'm not even going to touch any further on this one.

I'm going to miss a great snack for one dollar with 24hr availability.

I will not miss the pig that has been murdered and then grinded up and processed into brick form to be placed in my kimbap.

That goes for the egg and the fake crab also in the kimbap that I selfishly eat.

My last weekend going out and about in Korea. I wanted to make it damn good so I invited my bros.
We swam in arguably "The best swimming ever experienced," climbed some rocks, hiked in the forests, and drank a bunch of shitty beer.

This photograph really depicts these guys really well:

Here I go from left to right - like you are reading this:
Ryan: Seems normal but then he shows faces like this and you wonder what's under the skin....
Kim Lee: Calm and collected and likes the word monochromatic but does not like to dress monochromatically.
Paul: From some sticks in Canada and super eccentric. That thing on his head, that's the sleeve of his shirt that he cut off last night and put it on his head proclaiming "I love these things!" He wore it ever since.
Dave: All-American intelligently sly
Me: Confused

And Eric who is taking the picture.. ya he's new to Korea so who cares about him. That's right. I said it! You are a bastard! Think you can win this photo contest with the theme being Westernism,
Well you can go to hell!
Ahh the internet! The best way to be completely passive and directly aggressive at the same time. I mean when I see Eric I'll be super nice although I'm telling the WORLD how much I want him dead!

Here is me on a big rock looking at other rocks and a lake. wow.


What I am thinking is more important such as "Holy shit I've been in Korea for a year. God damn Korea for a whole god damn year."
OKAY! maybe not important and you don't even need to know that sort of stuff because who gives a shit I'm thinking when it is completely self-centered and useless to everyone.

But another thing, that is important to at least one person, What I was thinking went along the lines of "I wish Eric would stop photographing me and would come down to this rock so he can "accidently" slip off the rock and break his head open. Then maybe he can't officially win the photo contest if he can't live any longer." yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. good thought

Ya know you're a teacher when you got a sling-shot in your desk confiscated from a student, but when ya got a sawed-off shotgun you know there's trouble. Looking at this piece! I feel like my situation is worse than when my sister was teaching in Brooklyn.
I use more karate here than I ever have, seriously. I'll demonstrate when I'm home
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By the way, that's my peanut bag at the top left of the drawer. They are a yummy stack between karate chopping 4th grade Korean kids.

The young employees of Kaist Educational Institute of Bullshit

The guy on the right is a genetic engineer major and speaks fluent English cause his parents are now American but he isn't.

The girl on the left of him kept say "bora-get-ah-say-yo" which means "I don't understand."

The girl on the right of me says some pretty unenlightened selfish statements and speaks pretty good English. Maybe if she acted like she doesn't speak English then my comment about her would be "She seems nice."

And the guy on the far left used to smell funny but then he discovered Alum.


NOW don't be mistaken. The center of attention is that little green bottle.


Here is a typical night for these Korean people. Drink and eat spicy fish soup until 7am and yet never get fat.


Hey also notice that red cross in the background. Gotta love the neon christian neoism

The bathrooms at restaurants and other private businesses in Korea are so gross. Grosser than the hole the refugee is using in Sierra Leone.

But the publicly owned bathrooms! My god! In the subways or at highway rest stops, they are just fucking amazing. OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD. By far the nicest bathrooms I've ever used except those bathrooms in the Alexis hotel in Seattle or the W hotel in NYC.

I mean these truck stop bathrooms in Korea have fountains and bonsai trees, and are shinning like diamonds.

Why did I take a picture of this shithole and not the nice bathrooms? I'm sorry.

and when ya party with Koreans you will definitely be seeing the sunrise.

The female co-worker I was with said "I don't care about this sunrise! I just care about money!"
Uhhh.. you're dumb

I hate you power-line. Ruining my shot.

You know how long it takes to photoshop that out?
Probably 3 hours of my life wasted on a mop and a few pieces of brick not perfectly stacked.

I think this picture parallels my mood right now.

Feeling a bit stale but looking forward to that not-too-far-off sunshine although the means to the end are a bit cloudy.

So that video below: That's me harassing some drunk crazy korean guy on the bus. I was all ignoring him but then I decided to do nothing but entertain myself and everyone around me by talking to him.

When the video was finished I ignored him again. He was confused and tried to talk to me. I just made faces at him and didn't speak. He tried to poke me in the ear but kept missing.

What a loser. Couldn't even poke me in the ear.


You know I've taken lots of little videos: time lapses of the streets of Osaka, Japan. Boat rides in Southern Thailand, Bike rides in Korea, etc and yet this is the ONLY one I put on the internet to show my friends, family, the Pentagon, and everyone else looking at my blog and youtube.

What does this say about me? Hopefully something good!

SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET SAVE THE INTERNET

I'm now worth 5 digits, and I worry and fret about money as much, if not more, as I did when I was worth 1 digit.

I'm now worth five digits, and I worry and fret about money as much, if not more, as I did when I was worth one digit.

I'm now worth five digits, and I worry and fret about money as much, if not more, as I did when I was worth one digit.

I'm now worth five digits, and I worry and fret about money as much, if not more, as I did when I was worth one digit.

Plus when I was worth $8 bucks I'd think "Oh man I'd love to have an extra $100 right now.
Then when I had $300 bucks I'd think "I wish I had a $1000"
Then once I had a $1000 I'd think "Oh I wish I had $5000. That'd be awesome."

WHAT THE FUCK. I GOT THAT DISEASE I HEARD ABOUT WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND I THOUGHT THOSE PEOPLE WERE CRAZY. I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. If you are like me stop it before you are at a later stage in life and you find yourself greedy, friendless, and with high-blood pressure.

I have not altered these photos. These are my students after I bought them ice cream.

Also these are two different people. They just look them same cause they live in a homogeneous society.

LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. THIS IS MY BLOG. I'M REALLY IMPORTANT. LOOKAT ME. I'M REALLY COOL BECAUSE I PUT PICTURES ON THE INTERNET. MY CAMERA HAS AN AWESOME SELF-PORTRAIT SETTING. SO HERE IS ME. I'M HOT. I'M SMART. I'M EVERYTHING. READ WHAT I SAY. READ IT. READ IT READ IT! YOU ARE MY FRIEND!!!!!

Here is me being bad by stealing coffee.

See those weird symbols in the background. I can easily read those. I'm so smart.
Look at my forearms. They are so big. I'm really strong.

Here is me with a random Asian woman.

Because I am the best ever I thought she would want to get her picture taken with me.
During the photo I was totally wondering if she wanted to have sex with me.

Here is me eating tofu and kimchi. I am just so super awesome the way I eat food and that fact I can use chopsticks. I am SO international

Here is another really cool picture of me on this rock next to these trees doing that really cool move a black person once showed me.

Here is a toilet that I, ALEX, used. It was so cool and awesome. The toilet seat heated and sprayed water all over my asshole so I didn't have to use toilet paper.

In high school i figured out how to take a "number 2" as some people call it, HA, without using a squirt-gun or paper. It is all about relaxing those muscles!

But now I have stresses in my life so I can't do it anymore!!

anyway I wish I had a picture of ME and the toilet seat but I just don't because it was too small of a room even with my awesome super cool camera.

Here is me next to some plants and rocks.

Wow. It is amazing how I can just be anywhere and make it awesome! I am just awesome. totally!

As most of my students hated having their picture taken this particular student loved being in the spotlight.

I would be taking a picture of something else and he jumps in!

Man, Asians and their eyes. Some of my students make me wonder if they can see at all when they are smiling or laughing. I will test this out by throwing things at them when they are laughing.

Speaking of tricking them, today a student was pretending to be asleep so I opened his pencil case and took a nice pencil out and put it in my pocket. Then when he stopped being "asleep" I said "LOOK THERE!!!" and pointed off in the distance. When the student looked away I put the pencil down on his neighbors desk. Then when he looked back I said "Yaaah (yah is hey in Korean) he stole your pencil!!"
The neighbor said "nono!! Alex teacher did!" I said "No!! I am teacher and I don't lie. You are a bad student." And then student who owned the pencil didn't know what to do! WHOAHAHAHAHA

Personally, I love beating my students. Pressure points cause the most pain and leave no mark.